Why I Hate Going To Bed (photos)

Last night when I was getting ready to go to bed, I just stood for a minute or two at the foot of the bed looking at it with absolute dread.

Why?

Because bedtime is hell time.

During the day, I am up and about and the air is getting to my skin. If it dries out, I dab a bit of moisturiser and carry on.

At night, my skin oozes terribly. The moment my face touches the pillow, it starts to leach fluid. My neck and chest start to ooze and soon I am a big oozy mess. My neck crease and the area behind my ear get all wet and sticky. Sleeping is difficult, to say the least.

Last night I managed to fluff the pillow in such a way so that my neck and face were exposed to as much air as possible. But then I fell asleep and then I woke up buried under the duvet in a sticky mess.

The lack of sunshine is having a detrimental effect on my skin. I thought I'd post a few photos of my flare, which has now spread to parts of the body I previously thought healed.

This is an oozy wet patch on my face. It alternates between oozy and dry and crusty.

This is a messy patch by my eye.

Look how dry my arm is! Dry and arid like the desert.

This is my leg that was previously healed and clear. This patch is really itchy.

Sorry about the fat belly picture, but I wanted to show that even my poor old tummy is rashy too!

Lastly, this is my duvet, covered in bloodstains and ooze. It's headed for the wash. I get through LOTS of washing.

So what am I to conclude about this? I am 15 months into withdrawal and seem to be getting worse! I had a horrible moment last night where it crossed my mind that maybe the steroid damage was permanent and maybe my blood vessels are like this forever. No, I still think I will heal, just like all the other thousands of Dr Rapaports patients.

I have no idea why I'm flaring though. It doesn't seem to be following the classic withdrawal pattern anymore. I have been flaring over a week and NEED A BREAK PLEASE!

I went shopping and managed to bump into everyone I knew today. I bumped into a really close friend and I was moaning about my skin. "You're glowing", she said.

That's why she is my friend.