A-Z of Corticosteroid Withdrawal: Depression

D is for Depression

Depression is a very real side effect of topical steroid withdrawal and although it is not a physical symptom, it can be just as devastating.

We know from articles written by Dr Rapaport and Dr Fukaka that healing from steroid withdrawal takes a long time. People who have used potent steroid creams for many decades may take several years to completely get over the damage that the steroid creams have done to the body and blood vessels. Withdrawal symptoms are hard to deal with, including burning, oozing and pain. Prolonged exposure to these debilitating symptoms causes the sufferer to become deeply depressed, despairing whether they will ever heal or regain normal skin.

It is not just the way that the skin feels that causes depression. it is also the way the skin looks. TSW causes a red, flushed face, sometimes with oozing and yellow crusts, sometimes with pustules and pimples on the skin, or scratch marks due to itching. Facing the world, with its high expectations of physical perfection, is a daunting task. I feel ugly all the time.

During the first few months of steroid withdrawal, the adrenals go crazy, causing extreme tiredness and an inability to perform even simple tasks, like cleaning or preparing food. If someone has had a previously active and busy life, this sudden lack of ability can be devastating and depressing.

I have had highs and lows over the last 5 months of steroid withdrawal. When my skin is good, I am so happy, but it is awful to see good skin disappear into a flare and this causes me to get very sad and teary. I have cried a lot during this time, sometimes shouting out and  screaming because of my inability to cope. in the early stages, when my body was on fire and all I wanted to do was lie quietly on the settee, I would wail and moan like a child having a tantrum. It is incredibly draining, both physically and emotionally.

 Emotionally, I am in a lot better place right now, although it only takes a brief flare up to make me feel "down" again. I actually have been flaring a bit over the last 3 days, after a long period of good skin. This has made me quite teary, as I really thought I was over the worst of it now.

Here are some comments from the Google group about TSA and depression:

"..am i the only one who can't do this? i'm trying really hard to forget what
i've lost and forget this pain/itch/discomfort.. but this depression is
like a blackhole that sucks me right in. sure, i'll feel fine for maybe 2%
of the time.. the other 98%, i'm back to that creature who locks herself
out from alot of people.. i can't face and interact with them right now.
even the closest people to me.. i find it hard to face them for the fear of
showing them how depressed i actually am."

"Tears are a constant.  Depression has arrived.  I'm not strong enough for this."

"I had many days of crying. Just defeated, depressed, skin aching, crying! My
husband would lose it when I was crying. It hurt him to see me like that.
Now we have days of laughing and hugging, which I couldn't do for a LONG
time due to painful skin.
Most of the time when I was crying, it was what I was thinking: Will this
flare ever end? Will I ever be normal? etc. Try to stay in the present
moment. One day at a time.
You can do it! I did it and it almost broke me. "

Topical steroid withdrawal is a dark time and anyone considering stopping steroid creams should prepare themselves for the fact that there are going to be hard times ahead. I am not writing this to put anyone off steroid withdrawal, but people need to be realistic about how hard it is.

When TSW gets me down, I try and focus on all of the success stories and pictures of people that are healed. I imagine myself in that position at some point in the future. Some of these photos are amazing and prove that healing IS possible. If we stay positive and have a confident outlook, we can successfully ride the wave of depression that comes with Red Skin Syndrome.